Devin Nunes flies to Great Britain to fist fight Sergey Brin over Trump Google results, flies back when he couldn’t find him

In effort to one up McCain, Trump signs executive order to rename Washington memorial after himself

Entire U.S. economy found to consist of shipping the same 2,000 boxes back and forth

On Saturday, the entire U.S. economy was found to be supported solely by shipping the same 2,000 boxes back and forth, and watching rich people buy and sell pieces of paper, also known as "stocks" and "bonds".

"I just think it's amazing that these are the same 2,000 boxes we shipped last week" an Amazon employee says. "It seems like different stuff, but they can keep 2,000 boxes pretty interesting."

Economists were not available to comment.

Following long tradition of naming buildings after racist white guys, Dem leadership purposes naming Senate office after McCain

Chuck Schumer said Sunday he plans to introduce resolution to rename the Russell Senate Office Building after the late John McCain, with support from Nancy Pelosi on the Democrat side, and Jeff Flake, a republican.

The building is currently named after Richard Russell Jr., a 40 year Senator from 1933 to 1971. He was a leader of southern opposition to the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s, and  helped establish the conservative coalition of Republicans.

" I think that's a fitting tribute," said Flake to  "Face the Nation" on Sunday.

Schumer says said that McCain was an "antidote when he saw bigotry," even with such tolerant quotes from McCain, including "I hate the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live," and when asked if then presidential candidate Barack Obama was an "Arab", he replied "No, ma'am. No, ma'am. He's a decent, family man, citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues and that's what this campaign is all about. He's not. Thank you."

A fitting tribute to rename a building named after a racist, to another racist.

BREAKING: Venezuelan man looses collective toothbrush, country too poor for dental insurance

VENEZUELA—A Venezuelan man lost the country's only toothbrush over the weekend, leaving many citizens floundering because the country is too poor to afford dental insurance for their citizens.

"I always knew socialism didn't work," an anonymous source says. "How are the people of Venezuela supposed to care for their dental hygiene?"

"I was always open to political change, but I never realized this kind of tragedy would happen."

One man said it would be a good idea to set up a GoFundMe to be able to afford a new toothbrush, but their proposal was shut down by the Venezuelan government, citing policy disallowing any assistance from "capitalist pigs" on the outside.

What do you think? Would you buy Venezuela a new toothbrush?

More proof that God is a woman: Women's Equality Day falls on Sunday

If God is a woman, why are all pictures of God men?

As if we needed even more proof of what acclaimed theologist Ariana Grande claimed in her 2018 essay "God is a Woman", National Women's Equality Day officially falls on a Sunday.

"When all is said and done," Ariana Grande says, "You'll believe God is a woman."

"How could God be a woman when the Bible consistently refers to God as 'Him'," says some nerd on some forum on the internet, probably.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

DNC Neuters Superdelegates, continues tradition of Sabotage

DNC Chairman Tom Perez

CHICAGO —Democrats voted to weaken their superdelegate program, a decision brought on by the bitter 2016 Presidential campaign.

Many voters felt that the program was unfair to then candidate, Senator Bernie Sanders(I-VT).

“We listened and we acted,” said DNC Chairman Tom Perez. “We did what was best for the party, because we can still actively sabotage a candidates campaign and nominate whoever we want anyways.”

Senator Sanders could not be reached for comment.

Donald Trump takes opportunity to present new flag design to Cabinet

 



WASHINGTON—Trump meets with his cabinet to discuss possible new flag designs.

"It's like a television show," one anonymous source said. "When there's a new season, there's a new theme song. To [President Trump], when there's a new President, there should be a new flag."

As you can see from the new design, it still features the famed red white and blue with the same stars and stripes design. The major difference is the amount of each color.

"The colors play a huge part in the proposed design," the source said. "He sees the colors to be representative of the America he wants to see in the future."

What do you think of the new design? Let us know in a comment below!

NRA Spokesperson Dana Loesch Finally Admits Trump is in the Mob

On Wednesday, Dana Loesch was the first to openly admit that the Trump Admin is run by the mob.

"They're trying to Al Capone him," she said. "They'll get him for tax fraud just like they did to the other mob bosses in history."

Convinced that Al Capone was unfairly prosecuted, many Republican leaders prop him up as a free market solution to the government, saying the U.S. would be better if run by the mob.

"We liked what the Mob did," one unnamed Republican representative said. "We liked it so much, we thought, well why don't we just put them in charge?"

Police Arrest Suspect in Shooting Death, Wonder who is going to Drive the Car

"We had to wait an hour and a half for backup to show up," the officer said. "It was a very confusing time for us."

Both officers are now on paid administrative leave.

Wind Turbines Pose Huge Threat to Environment, Head Environmental Scientist Says.

ABELINE, TX—Lead environmental scientist makes a bold claim, saying that wind power is harmful to the environment.

When asked about the statement, he said "Wind turbines are very very dangerous. They are decimating the bird population of the areas they are in, causing worms to take over these towns."

Mayer Worm Wormington refused to comment.

Woman Procrastinating with Tarot Card Readings Shocked to find Reading Warns against Procrastination

"I honestly have no idea what's going to happen now," she says. "I've disobeyed the cards, and now I have to pay."

Viral Meme uses Picture of Depression Era US as Argument against Socialism

Local Centrist Surprised to find Europe Larger than EPCOT

ORLANDO—Local man gets the surprise of his life when he discovers that Europe is larger than the EPCOT center located in his hometown, Orlando.

"It's really a shock," he says. "I've always used that as my argument against universal healthcare. I guess I'll have to find new reasoning."

He then went on a tirade about Venezuela.

New Study Shows BuzzFeed Furthering Patriarchy with Linguistic Link Between 'Listicle' and 'Testicle'

Photo Credit JD Lasica, Flickr

SAN FRANCISCO—In the first-ever groundbreaking linguistics study, Professor Laura M. Sliddhoff of the University of Southern California discovered an astonishing link between the modern word Listicle, a list based article popularized by the media giant BuzzFeed, and the word Testicle, the genitals of males.

"I was honestly astonished," Laura tells The Daily Harold. "I don't know if I can even support such a company after this discovery."

The link was found in the suffix of the word, 'sticle', which, according to the study, is an ancient Latin word which means "of the man".

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.